Come Together

There were a protest to against our governor for extending our stay at home. I have a theory why so many wants it lifted. I’m sure there’s people that may not agree with this but it’s the way this virus is being reported that many wants to go back to work. It’s definitely race related many white Americans are hearing that it effects more blacks in our state. Most white people in our state not working side by side with black people they see no reason their community should suffer from closing their area businesses. Their not concern about elderly because they feel they’re going to die anyway and their not a big contributor to the economy so it doesn’t matter. 

We will always be saw as useless in this country no some people don’t want us to come together.   We have to stop breaking things down to race and just look at it as people. As long as we continue reporting black white we’ll never be able to come together. People are dying from all races it doesn’t matter what’s their nationality it’s all about caring for people saving peoples lives. Why are we so heartless? 

A friend of mine posted on Facebook her son performing at their school’s talent show today. No one wore a mask. My friend posted that we’re over reacting to this virus and we need to move forward. I’m so disappointed and hurt believing that she’s one of those who believe this is not their issues. I looked at Myron’s Facebook page and my heart hurts. Too many life’s are taken to early. He has two young boys that’s going to grow up with out him. He loved his boys he worked so hard with them. This didn’t have to be this way. Why did our president have to be so arrogant and uncaring? This is the worst president I’ve ever seen. It really amazes me that others follow him. What a message 

What’s today?

For a second I couldn’t remember what was today. I thought it was Wednesday when I couldn’t find my wallet and the days seemed as if they ran together. It’s Tuesday, April 14,2020 and we’re still holding on staying put. My friend, Tarpeh sent an article saying it was 100 years Spanish flu. Amazing that here we are again watching the world change right in front of our eyes. I don’t even want to write about the fear that comes and goes through my mind. I sit in the house turn the television off in just be in the quiet. Life has been moving from one thing to and never being in quiet I’ve got this time and I’m going to enjoy not bugging anyone or they bugging me. I think I longed for that because I was getting a little agitated with dealing with people. This gave me that moment.

The down part is that people have loss their lives, lively hood and so much more. They’re living in fear of what tomorrow may bring. This is horrible! Our president doesn’t make it any easier. I’ll write a

One More Month

I'll be sixty in one more month. I wanted to write on this blog space every month until I turned sixty. That didn't happen. Just like so many things in this life for me it didn't happen. You know I can feel my tears right now as I write this so diapponited that I didn't make this life I was given a joyous one. My intentions are to write on this blog until I turn sixty. I wanted meaning in this life. I wanted excitement and I wanted love.
I'm back in the classroom again. Of course, I've been thinking about those days as a preschool teacher it was so much fun. The little people were so fun and loving. The world was so new to them and they just ate up everything I would tell them. They loved me and I loved them.
When I taught elementary school children it was such a very hard job. I forgot how mean children could be to each other. Their attitudes were so bad too. They looked like little teenagers and acted like them too. I was amazed how they would sit and find ways to hurt each others feelings. There would be few that would work at trying to get my attention but many didn't care if I was there or not.
Now I'm in the classroom again with high schoolers. This group of young people are so hard to reach and being locked up doesn't help the matter either. I know I'm not really reaching anyone and I'm always begging them to listen to me. I could feel myself getting so angry that they find themselves in a place where they're resticted and locked in and they only think of what can they do to get back to the hetic and crazy life they were living. (more later)

Year of 59 (15)

I know I've written about friendship before but as I grow older and I realize how much I need and love my friends. I was feeling down today after getting off work. I don't think I feel comfortable working in that detention center. The kids are so depressing listening to them say such awful things to each other and me. My heart is broken seeing our black children so caught up in negativity. Everything is so harsh and evil. The way they throw off killing people as if its a joke. How to we allow for things to get like this. There's songs about smoking weed as if it's alright to do. My heart just sink every time I hear them sing that song. I don't like what I see and hear from our young people these days.
Listening to this has taken me down a little road of sadness. I wondered what is this all about? I began to question everything about the world and life. I find myself unsure of what to do and say to them to help encourage them to take this time and learn something. School is so improtant and I know they don't know how improtant it is and they fight agaisnt it. Trying to encourage them in a setting like that is so hard. I find myself taking it personelly. Why are they so mean to me? I'll think when its not about me at all it really all about how they're feeling at the time. I feel so old next to them I feel so out of touch with how the world is.

The Year of 59 (14)

I'm finally writing agian. Life is rally just a twinke. I tell you I feel that twinkle the other day  I fell down the stairs the other day. I couldn't believe it. I totally lost control as I was trubbling down the stairs I didn't know what to do I was scared. I remember yelling praying that I would be alright once I landed. I was fine busied and scared but alright.
From that incident i really see how everything can changed in the twinkling of an eye. Everything can be over just that quick. I could have hurt myself seriously just from that fall. I realized that my whole life could be different and I have so much to be grateful for my body is sore but I'm able to work and talk and live.

The Year of 59(13)

Going to the chapel and they're going to get married!

I'm not sure if I've blogged that my only child is planning on getting married next year! I thought he would be a single man all his adult life. He came to me on several times telling me that he was going to marry someone and it didn't panout for them. This time it looks as if he's going to make it happen. I'm excited for him and Tiffany because they both seem so happy. He proposal to her while on a criuse in May. Tiffany said that she was pretty surprised didn't see it coming. She thought he was falling because of his hip so when he got down and asked her she was stunned. Have to be happy for them both they've been though a lot over the years. I didn't realize it was ten years that they've know each other. I'm so happy that they want to spend their lives together.

Everyone asked me if I like her and the answer is so YES. She's such a kind and intelligent young lady. I just find myself in awe of her intelligence. She's very kind I was so grateful for her when Rhodia passed away she was right there for me helping me. She's a great cook too. She always invite me over to grab something to eat because she knows I'm not a good cook. I'm just happy that he has found someone to love. Life is very lonely when you don't have someone that loves you. Look at me 59 and I don't have that experience under my belt. I'm also excited because they're planning a destation wedding in Jamacia. I've never been there before so it's going to be nice to witness a marriage in what I've heard a beautiful place. My hope is that they have some friends come along and wittness their marriage as well.

Of course my prayer for them is to live a life together working together. I pray that they support and encourage each other. That they look to each other for comfort and times of need and love and laughter through out their lives. I pray that they use their mony wisely and that they find an organization that they can give to. I pray that they work to leave a finical legacy for their grandchildren. I pray that they both spend time learning more about the love of Christ and they would want to live a life for Him. I pray that they live a healthy life taking care of their bodies eating the rights foods and getting rest and working out. My prayer is that their love for each other will continue to hold them together no matter what comes their way.


Everyone asked me if I like her and the answer is so YES. She's such a kind and intelligent young lady. I just find myself in awe of her intelligence. She's very kind I was so grateful for her when Rhodia passed away she was right there for me helping me. She's a great cook too. She always invite me over to grab something to eat because she knows I'm not a good cook. I'm just happy that he has found someone to love. Life is very lonely when you don't have someone that loves you. Look at me 59 and I don't have that experience under my belt. I'm also excited because they're planning a destation wedding in Jamacia. I've never been there before so it's going to be nice to witness a marriage in what I've heard a beautiful place. My hope is that they have some friends come along and wittness their marriage as well.

The Year of 59 (11)

There's so much to write about since I haven't written in a while I just don't know where to begin. I'll start at yesterday. I went to see the Lisa's daugther (Kirk's cousin) do a book signing at a book store. I watched this young intelligent woman talked about how she was able to come up with such beautiful poems about life. I was so amazed at how intune she was to herself and her thoughts but more improtantly to the plot of African American people in our society. At some point I couldn't really keep up with her because she was so advance in her thougths and langauage. Of course you know that I thought about the past. I looked at her and saw her mother and grandmother and growing up with them. Her mom Lisa was such a smart kid too. We had such great promise for her Lisa especially after she was given a scholarship to U of Michigan. Something happen and she quit. Then she had this beautiful little girl. Very sweet just like her mother. She was every mother's dream pretty, smart and kind. I thought more about her grandmother.

We weren't really encouraged as young people to excel on the level that young people are encouraged today. I know I grew up so bitter and so angry at the world that I was living in. I wanted to be a good students but found myself quitting and not really putting much into learning. I didn't see any hope for myself or for my future. I didn't see the future young woman like Chanel and my granddaughter, Kaylan. So smart and intelligent and gifted. I just thought of the song To Be Young Gifted and Black. I didn't see kids growing in the hood having grandchildren that would would one day work on getting a Ph.d, I just never saw that coming when I was a young teen ager. I looked at her and I wondered what would the world look like in twenty years it just has bo be so much better because these young people are just awesome.

What else is going on?

I'm on vacation now for three weeks. I haven't had a vacation like this in a long time. I found myself so lost and lonely. Isn't that awful all the time at work I would cry "I need a day off" I finally get that day and even extra and I'm crying about being lonely. I don't know how to take advantage of each day. How to take what I have and make the best of it. I think about my sister, Rhodia I look at the pictures she drew and I'm amazed at how she would just create I'm sure every hour of her life wasn't filled with something she had to do. She took those down times and she created her art. People use the word Passion a lot these days. I way to encourage people to devote time and energy into something they love that way time won't be so long and boring. I just can't seem to find my passion and this is probably why I spend so much time doing nothing. This is why it's so improtant to have chldren develop their interest so that they will know what brings them joy when they're older. I thought crocheting was going to be my passion because I loved making things but after several years of making things I got tired of croctheting and stopped. I did get angry with myself for giving it up because there is so much more I could have done using different stitches. I think this is why I struggle so much because I don't have a passion for anything. My mind wanders so much and I often find myself lost with nothing to do. I have friends that are so creative and work at their art all the time.
This is way I spend too much time doing nothing.

On Sunday we had a woman speaker. She made a comment that really stuck with me. She used the term "learned helplessness." I'd heard that term before when I was in school. I'm not sure if I made a connection with it back them but when she said it on Sunday it radiated with me very deeply. I realized then that's how I lived my life, being helpless. I learned it so early in life that i just held on to it for all my life. I've noticed that I do give up on things very quickly, I've noticed that if I don't get it right away I'm ready to just let it go. This is something that have held me back for years, not good.