The Year of 59(10)

When I was a very little girl I would often baby sit for people my family knew. In my mind that was a job. I'd  baby sat for couples at the church we attended a lot. One couple had four children and they would have me come early in the morning and I would be with the children until late at night. I hated it at times but loved being with the children. Although this wasn't a full time job I did it enough to feel as if it was. If it wasn't someone from church it was family friends children. Now that I look back at my life I have be blessed with a job.

At a place in my life right now that I'm sort of tired of working. This isn't good because I'm not rich so that means I have to work.  I'm at a place now in my life where I want to do something different in my life I just can't find what that different would be. I've been blessed to have this positon working in a school as a Site-Coordinator for an after school program. I loved what I was able to do as a Site-Coordinator at ACE Academy when I really think about it Ihaving this job was like the dream job for me. I know I'd dreamed of working in a school running a program and having people come in and work with the students with fun and interactive learning. Even as a young girl I've always thought that I probably could learn more if I was more involved with the learning instead of just reading things all the time and just writing the answers on a sheet of paper. 

I got that opportunity to bring people in with skills and knowledge on subjects that the students would have the opportunity to have in a fun and interactive way. We had music, this class was more making cd's and rapping. I'm wasn't crazy about that because our students use lots of  profanity and inapprioate lyrics and we're constanly having them change the lyrics and they were never happy with that. The teacher would often try having a theme but the students only wanted to rap about money, girls or guns. I had to realized that this is what they were used to and we just had to stay on top of them.

The class that I had was so happy to bring to the school through the YMCA was keyboarding. Why Keyboarding? I've always wanted to play the keyboard and although I eventually took lesson as an adult maybe if I would have the opportunity to learn the keyboard earlier in life then I would be playing the piano now. I wanted the students to have some knowledge of the keyboard. The class started off as a drum class but because the room was sound proof the students would have headaches after the class. We were so fortuanate that the teacher that teaching drumming could also play the keyboard. When we had our Black History program one of the students played the Black National Anthem for us. If you could see my heart it was beaming with joy.

Two of the biggest joys came with me being able to write. I don't consider myself a writer because of my grammer. I'm sure you're finding lots of mistakes as you read my blogs. I know that there are young people that like to write and wanted to give them the opportunity to write. I got blessed with a young man that came and he was able to work with the students to make our first newsletter. It looked just like a newspaper. The students were very happy and I was over joyed. The young man that had the program for the newletter quit and I didn't have anyone to take his place. That meant that I had to try it myself. I found a newsletter format on the microsoft and made our first newsletter. Not all the boys jumped in on it but those that submitted articles had some very good stories, interveiws and poems to add to the newsletter. Doing the newsletter gave me the opportunity to develop my skills to write more. I was loving every minute I was putting time into writing the newsletter.

I also had the opportunity to work witht the students putting together the Black History program. It was so much fun coming up with skits with the students. I was pretty surprised with my writing coming up with skits. Putting it together was so much fun. I was surprised at how much fun I was having working with the students with lines, directing and writing. I saw myself as the woman I think I had dreamed of but I wasn't really sure but it was just amazing how my heart would beat faster everytime I would write or when I was working with the students on the parts in the show. I was loving putting the show together all my enegries were moving so fast and I was so high. Maybe I missed my calling I thought several times while working on the paper and the show. I would think I really should be a writer or an actress. I was so appreciative of the 21st Century Afterschool program that really gave me the opportunity to do such wonderful and fun things with the students.

We've learned that the grant for the afterschool program wasn't granted to our school this year. Heartbroken for sure yet I think I'm ready to move on. The thoughts of ending just keep moving through my mind. I'm beginning to think about all the jobs I've had over the years. Some I was so heart broken about that the tears would just over take me. This time I have no tears because I'll still be with the company but I will move on to another facility. I don't want to work in a youth detention center any more because I don't want to work with students with such bad attitudes. Yet, I don't see myself doing anything else. I'm sure many of midage people like myself find themselves in the same dilemma in their lives trying to picture themselves doing something else wotth while in their lives. I this point I feel like screaming but that won't make things better at all. Back to this job. I was blessed it was a good experience. I have Cathy to thank for that she and DeBorah recommeneded that I take the position nine years ago when they were planning on letting the other young lady go. I felt so bad about that I meet the young lady once and she was so nice, I didn't want to take the position because I had supervised people before and I really didn't like doing that. I really didn't feel I was the right person for the job. They convinced me and here I am today getting ready to move on.

The Year of 59(9)

I dream of Africa.
That dream is coming more and more real to me after having such a wonderful experience with Vanessa and her friend, Denise. This woman is awesome and I mean awesome. She has had such a rich and fulfilling life. I couldn't believe I was sitting across from an African American woman that started a school for girls in South Africa. I heard this and cried right in front of her. I couldn't believe that the tears just came so quickly so unexpectedly. Why was I crying? She was helping my family that was left behind hundreds years ago. My blood line was there in Ghana Africa where my family roots begun on this planet earth. I quickly saw people being grabbed and taken away. I could hear women crying and I could feel their fears. Just as we were sitting there and she was sharing her story of how she and others came together to start a school for girls. One of those girls maybe related to me I thought and that's why the tears fell. Just knowing that she was apart of rebuilding a country that lost so much.

She shared with us the beauty of the country and how kind and helpful people were there. She gave us suggestion on places to visit while we were there and most improtantly she gave us an idea of how much it would cost. What a relief. I was imaginig at least two to three thousand dollars depending on where we will stay. My heart began to jump up and down because I was thinking over six thousand dollars now I can really plan. I began to sing "I'm going to Africa." Why does this mean so much too me? That's a very long story which sense I'm the only one reading this I can share.

When I was a very young girl maybe around 9 or ten I meet a missionary that had been to Africa. He lived over our church and only had one leg. That frigten me as a little girl seeing a man with one leg. I was told to go and help him out around the house a couple of times. He was a very small stucture man but very talkative. I was so what afraid of the different artifats he had in his small place. I didn't like looking at heads of people that were so black. They would always have ear rings in the heads or eyes were like diamonds. I would walk pass these artifats very slowly afraid that were evil and were used for voodoo. I had seen many of Tarzan movies and would see Africans holding these in their hands always dancing around and saying words I didn't understand.

He talked constantly about being in Africa and the people there being so kind and loving. That not what I was seeing on televison. He would that Africa was beautiful with water surrounding the land and everything was so much better there than in our country. He gave me a artificate of a zebra it too was all black. I loved that zebra it was so smooth to the touch. I took it home and held it and looked at it and then began to dream. I was dreaming of Africa. He would tell me all the time its such a beautiful place to see when you grow up he told me "visit Africa".

I grew up and I really forgot about the little man with the one leg. I don't really think I thought about him after he died. I did think of him once when I was a young adult around twenty when I met some really together African Americans that stressed the improtance of African American excepting our hertage being proud we were from Africa. I thought of him and his storeis of Africa. How much he loved being there. It helped me to ease into being proud of myself being black.

I didn't start really dreaming of Africa until I was in my forties. I had a friend that moved to Nigeria and became a missionary. Her mother and I were good friends and her mother had gone to visit her twice and she would tell me about how beautiful it was there. That brought my dream back again and wanted to go and see it for myself. I began to dream of Africa. What deepen that dream was learning about four years ago that our family roots are from Ghana Africa. I then long to see the "Mother Land." The more I learned about my hertage the more I wanted to see the place in which my blood line began. I have friends that are Italian, Greek, Finnish and they talked so highly of the country in which their bloodline began and several have visited those places. I wanted to have the same emotional feelings towards the land my people come from.

Now I'm working towards my dreaming coming true. I'm going to see Africa. I'm going next year my dream is going to come true. I will visit Africa. After talking to Denise I know now that it will come true. The work will have to begin selling books and doing Bag Lady again so that I can raise the money for my trip to Africa.

The Year of 59(8)

Wonder Woman! She was the best! When I was a little girl I watched that show and loved it. Having a woman that was smart, beautiful and strong was just what I needed to have in my life at that time. Growing up in my house constantly being told that all I was good for was cooking, cleaning, and having babies. I heard that all the time. I hated being a girl.
There were so many things that meant so much to me. I know now that I played the victim all my life, man big mistake, right. Everything I wanted to do I was told that girls don't do that. I wanted to be a baseball player and learned that there wasn't a professional baseball team for women. Everything that I dreamed of doing I was told that women didn't do. I really should take that back. I wanted to be a teacher and women could do that. That's what the world seemed like than women teaching and nothing else. Of course there were other things women could do but they were all in a box. Nothing that would push women to be more.

I watched lots and lots of television as a child like most kids. It was hard breaking to see that the super heroes were all men. You know Batman and Robin, Superman, Spiderman they were all men. I could keep up pretty much with my younger brother pretending that I too was a super-hero. When Cat Woman showed up on television I was delighted but was teased to no end because she was considered a bad villain in the show not a super hero. I just didn't see women as being a value human in the world.

Then came Wonder Woman. She was everything I had hoped and dreamed of. She fought and gave up a punch that would have the bad guy flying. She was smart too finding way to solve the complicated problem that the world was facing at that time on the show. She was strong lifting up cars and other objects that would stop the bad guy from destroying the world. She was pretty a looker to the guys. She was well built and fashionable too. She was more than any woman could be and fighting crime.

I wanted to be her she had brought hope to women all over the world. She was opening up eyes for little girls everyone. She had me beginning to think that I could be more than then what everyone had told me I could be. I could be Wonder Woman! I went to see the new movie last night and I was still impressed with her. Although I didn't know how to take the story line seemed more spiritual. It was good to see women preparing for battle, being strong and smart. I am woman!
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