My Mind is Wandering

Actually, I have a lot running though this mind of mine. Today is Kirk's retirement party his work is giving him a party.  He's officially a retired man. Unbelievable! He's very excited about it. I know he's ready for something different. One of those life things. I know when I was working here at CCH for twenty years I was so ready to move on. I did get tired of the same old conversations and arguments we would have. I know my ego was running over time thinking that I knew everything and everybody else had no clue. I have to laugh just thinking about that when I was in limbo. I wanted out and so I decided to leave. 

He's doing pretty much the same thing getting away from the same people arguing about the same thing and the same people. Off he goes to another adventure more of the same thing with different people. I'm happy for him blessed that the Lord kept him save for 26 years as a policeman. People always wanted to know if I was worried about him.  Maybe in the beginning I was worried my cousin was a police officer and he had gotten shot so that did stay in my head. Then my brother asked me how often how often did I hear reports of a police getting shot. At that time it wasn't often that you would hear about a police getting shot. I had to just relax and believe that he was trained well and that God would keep him save. 

I remember once living in an apartment and and a cop rung my doorbell. I quickly buzzed them in and they informed me that they were there for my neighbor. I believe my heart fell to my toes that day. I was relieved and scared at the same time. Seeing those police officer at that door was probably the most frightening experience I had ever had at that time in my life.  I had heard that's what they do when a police officer is shot come to your door to let you know. I was so grateful that God let him serve for 26 years and he never had an injurer.  What a blessing!

Now we're here and he's moving on. He's still going to be an officer just different in that he would dealing with a smaller population of people. He's a good people person so he should do well. That's the other thing about him so many people adores him. When I posted he was retiring on my Facebook account I got over a 100 comments and likes when ever I put something about me I may get 30. Everyone was wishing well. Many commented that they were very proud of him and how much they loved him. That's beautiful to read and know about your son. The man I was hoping and praying he would become. He became.

As for me I feel so worn out now especially from the move. My body feels like I had ran into a brick wall. My body aches I'm really feeling my age. My knees doesn't want to move lately and just think I was working out for over six months so they would be strong. It didn't work. Moving is so hard to do right now. My knees just don't work like that use to.  Maybe being in a smaller place is just what I need. All I think about these days are getting older. I feel like crying.

It seems all I hear these days are the words "retirement" it's pretty weird. I came into work today and a couples of coworkers were talking about it. It's so amazing that the subject just keeps coming in. Like a reminder that I'm headed in that direction. What can I say I'm definitely feeling it. I constantly think about getting older it's like its a broken record just going around in my head over and over. Of course I worry what's next for me? Lately, I've been watching the 70's show Family a lot lately too. Those days when I was just a teenager. I was so worried about becoming an adult. Wow! life is just a circle that goes around and around. I see things that I've seen before only in different forms, shapes and sizes. That's what my mind have been wandering about over and over again.

                                                                      Moving On

Man, I hate having this experience yet again moving into another place. I'm blessed yes in deed. My landlord had another place for me to rent. That's what I hate me never buying a house. Which is way I keep finding myself in this very frustrating place all over again. I'm so blessed not having to go look for a place and having this place not far from the place I'm living in now. It's a cute place so much smaller than what I have now. I'm grateful that it's a flat and not an apartment because I'm still not ready to live in an apartment building with lots of people around. 

It's great that God knows our desires He knew I didn't want that. Yet, I find myself upset that I have to move again. I kick myself all the time that all my life I've had a job but yet I never saved enough money to buy a house for myself. This is so heartbreaking for me that I didn't value myself enough to not make away for me to own my own house.  I have to laugh at myself because I pride myself on being a little more educated then my parents but yet my mother own her own home she even died in her house. Look at me worked all my life working everyday and no house to show my work. That's so heartbreaking. 

I can't really blame anyone but myself for this. I put myself in this situation so I don't have anyone to blame for being in this predicament that I find myself in at this place in my life. It doesn't say much about me, right? I can't turn back the hands of time and make things better or do things differently. I'm here and all I can say is don't be like me. I can't find any other way to express how bad I feel about being in this space in my life. 

Home owner ship is a beautiful thing and I truly missed the boat in not making that happen for me. I can only hope that my granddaughter do much better than I.

                                                                     AARP

I'm 64 and my son is 49 that time of seeing him grow just flew by. I can't believe the conversation we had the other day.  I couldn't imagine that we this day would come. I imagined high school graduation picking out photos to give to people for graduation. I thought about picking a college he would attend but for some odd reason I didn't imagine this day, talking about retiring. 

He's thinking about retiring soon and looking into another job.  I'm thinking about retiring and the next five years and this starts our conversation. In my mind I didn't want to see him retire I wanted to see him working as a police officer for at least 10 more years. I just didn't want to see him as a older man. A full grown man. A man that has watched his own child go off to college and now getting ready to finished her dissertation in Chemistry.  Here we were talking about retiring. I listened to him talk about starting his life over doing something else with his life. This isn't the conservation that I just couldn't imagine being around to hear that conversation. Although, we're only fifteen years ago I saw myself much older than he. The hands of time just keeps on clicking although it may seem slow it really speeds along. 

Before I know it I'll have a great grandchild greeting me.

Oh Them Bones

 

Oh, Them Bones

Being 64, is a pain in my knee. My life has changed so drastically because my knees ache all the time. I really shouldn't be so surprise seeing that arthritis runs deep within my family. I thought I was going to get past it because I've been doing well all this time. It all started about three years ago after I would play tennis my body would feel funny. No pain just not feeling well.  Then a year later my knee would hurt. Now it's hurts all the time. I'm not happy about this at all. I really don't want to look into getting surgery only because I just don't want to be cut on. 

This life change is just what I didn't want to happen to me as I aged. I've been working out more since then. I continue to look at myself looking for more signs of aging. Why am I getting so worked up over this? Aging is going to happen I just have to except this and continue on. Yes, I can do something like workout and probably look into getting the surgery. I believe there is more going on with me when it comes to aging. I'm not ready to really look deep into it. There' so many changes that are really happening that I feel as life is just over coming me. I'll have to take a deep breath, pray and move on. I probably need to get the rubbing cream close by too.