Saturday, July 24, 2010

ONE IS THE LONELINESS NUMBER

Today I'd cried tears of loneliness. Tears of sadness too. I'd cried because I find myself alone and very blue. I'd spend my days dreaming of dancing with someone arm and arm. I've dreamed of someone sharing all their ups and downs. I realized that its only a dream not reality at all. My life exist without a love and there are times when I get down.

I'm not sure where that poem came from. I just know that today I feel so bad because I've lived all my life without anyone special in my life. I've watched others walk around holding hands and embracing one another with love. I've seen so many marriages that I'm able to recite the vows. Yet, my whole life at 52 has never felt that love for anyone new.

I've dreamed of many things for my life but afraid to dream of loving someone with all my heart. LIfe is grand isn't it. Some people are able to go full force and try to walk against the wind. I to afraid that a storm may come and blow me a cross a field.

Today I'd cried.

Number one that's me.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

THE GOOD OLE' DAYS


I've often wondered about her. Where
did she go? Did she move out of state? There was a time when I would remember her birthday, August 2. Not only her but most of the girls that I shared my teen years with. We wern't innocent girls to say the least. Most of us were there for tranucy, run away, and some type of tramua in our lives. None of us really volunteered to go there.
We shareed everything our scrects that we wouldn't share with our therapist or parents. We shared our dreams for the future. Most of us didn't see a good fortune for ourselves we were bound to bad luck for the rest of our lives. We promised to keep in touch after we left. We were going to be friends for life. Our pain had developed a bound we felt could never be broken.
Then life happen and we did break the bound. I'd spend days looking though white pages. I would look at stranger straight in the face hoping that one day I would run into one of my best friends. One day I did going right into a gas station just as I opened the door there was Wanda. We hugged of course and asked quick questions then we went on our way. The bound had been broken.
I've always thought about Fawn because she was one of he youngest of us, two and a half years that is. She was so much more mature for her age. I enjoyed talking to her she had such great phioloshy about life. She talked about religion, race issues and her best topic was men. I just enjoyed every moment with her. Then life happen and the bound broke.
I shared that she looked me up just as I was looking her up. What a bound we had we with other. Our vibes were kicking over time. I had the chance to visit with her again. We talked about the good ole' days and the not so good days. We talked about our jobs, money and relationship. We talked about the dreams we hadn't fulfilled or fulfilled and we talked about what we hope to see ourselves doing in the future. It was like old times. She did have some very deep things to say. I had to reminded her of that just like we did when we were younger. We didn't want to start crying in front of her husband you know.
Friendship are true miracles in our lifes. I think I realize that now connecting with Fawn. She was there for me just when I needed her the most. Again we'd promised what we'd stay in touch this time. "Friends forever." Blowing kisses at each other just like we you to. The bound is mending.
Welcome back Fawn

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I REMEMBER YOU


Yesterday I open my Facebook account and there was a message from a very old friend of mine. I don't like using the word "old" but the reality is that we are. I couldn 't believe my eyes when I saw her name in my email. She asked if I remember her. I do. I often wonder if old friends think about me like I think about them. What a great feeling to see a friend that was so special to me want to hear from me. I can't wait to meet up with her and see how life has been treating her.

I"d learned this poem back during the time when she and I were friends and when I saw her name I thought of it.

Friend I will remember you think of you and I will pray for you and when another day is though I'll still be friends with you.
This picture is the door to Vista Maria where I knew this friend from. Wow!

Welcome back friend.