ONE IS THE LONELINESS NUMBER

Today I'd cried tears of loneliness. Tears of sadness too. I'd cried because I find myself alone and very blue. I'd spend my days dreaming of dancing with someone arm and arm. I've dreamed of someone sharing all their ups and downs. I realized that its only a dream not reality at all. My life exist without a love and there are times when I get down.

I'm not sure where that poem came from. I just know that today I feel so bad because I've lived all my life without anyone special in my life. I've watched others walk around holding hands and embracing one another with love. I've seen so many marriages that I'm able to recite the vows. Yet, my whole life at 52 has never felt that love for anyone new.

I've dreamed of many things for my life but afraid to dream of loving someone with all my heart. LIfe is grand isn't it. Some people are able to go full force and try to walk against the wind. I to afraid that a storm may come and blow me a cross a field.

Today I'd cried.

Number one that's me.

THE GOOD OLE' DAYS

I've often wondered about her. Where

did she go? Did she move out of state? There was a time when I would remember her birthday, August 2. Not only her but most of the girls that I shared my teen years with. We wern't innocent girls to say the least. Most of us were there for tranucy, run away, and some type of tramua in our lives. None of us really volunteered to go there.

We shareed everything our scrects that we wouldn't share with our therapist or parents. We shared our dreams for the future. Most of us didn't see a good fortune for ourselves we were bound to bad luck for the rest of our lives. We promised to keep in touch after we left. We were going to be friends for life. Our pain had developed a bound we felt could never be broken.

Then life happen and we did break the bound. I'd spend days looking though white pages. I would look at stranger straight in the face hoping that one day I would run into one of my best friends. One day I did going right into a gas station just as I opened the door there was Wanda. We hugged of course and asked quick questions then we went on our way. The bound had been broken.

I've always thought about Fawn because she was one of he youngest of us, two and a half years that is. She was so much more mature for her age. I enjoyed talking to her she had such great phioloshy about life. She talked about religion, race issues and her best topic was men. I just enjoyed every moment with her. Then life happen and the bound broke.

I shared that she looked me up just as I was looking her up. What a bound we had we with other. Our vibes were kicking over time. I had the chance to visit with her again. We talked about the good ole' days and the not so good days. We talked about our jobs, money and relationship. We talked about the dreams we hadn't fulfilled or fulfilled and we talked about what we hope to see ourselves doing in the future. It was like old times. She did have some very deep things to say. I had to reminded her of that just like we did when we were younger. We didn't want to start crying in front of her husband you know.

Friendship are true miracles in our lifes. I think I realize that now connecting with Fawn. She was there for me just when I needed her the most. Again we'd promised what we'd stay in touch this time. "Friends forever." Blowing kisses at each other just like we you to. The bound is mending.

Welcome back Fawn

I REMEMBER YOU

Yesterday I open my Facebook account and there was a message from a very old friend of mine. I don't like using the word "old" but the reality is that we are. I couldn 't believe my eyes when I saw her name in my email. She asked if I remember her. I do. I often wonder if old friends think about me like I think about them. What a great feeling to see a friend that was so special to me want to hear from me. I can't wait to meet up with her and see how life has been treating her.

I"d learned this poem back during the time when she and I were friends and when I saw her name I thought of it.

Friend I will remember you think of you and I will pray for you and when another day is though I'll still be friends with you.

This picture is the door to Vista Maria where I knew this friend from. Wow!

Welcome back friend.

TAKING A RISK

I took a risk this month and entered an contest to try to win fee rent in a nice apartment near downtown Detroit. I did because my good friend asked me to do it and I thought oh what the reck it wouldn't hurt. It was fun running around Detroit and taking snapshots of places that I like about my home town. I even enjoyed looking at the other contestants video, people are so creative. What was very interesting about this was I took a risk.and allowed myself to step from out of the fear of not being pretty enough or smart enough and went with I want to enjoy my life and have fun. I want to enjoy every moment of the day. I did it and had a great time doing it. It was a joy to see my girlfriend's son do what he enjoy doing to,fliming. It was fun stepping out of the box. I read a book last year titled "Anyway" I was afraid but I did it anyway. Go Me!
The young lady that won was great!

May day is coming for my true dream to come true.

Smile

IN BETWEEN MY TEARS MOVING FORWARD

I have a dream. Those famous words that moved a nations many years ago rings true in my heart today. I too have a dream a dream that was in bedded in my heart over thiry something years ago. I wanted to write a book I wanted to tell my story. My dream I believe is coming true. This dream have been eating inside of my soul and wanting badly to expand and grow. I am working towards that dream coming true.
"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. " Benjamin Mays Writing my book has been my goal the tragedy was sitting on that dream and not moving forward. I have awaken and the burning in my soul scream to go forward and make my dream come true. I shall. The dream moves forward, its my time to shine.

What dream are you sitting on?

smile

DREAM MOVING FORWARD

On tuesday of this week I spoke with a movie director on the possibities of making the one woman show Bag Lady into a made for television movie. My dream came true to speak someone about the show. I couldn't believe it, the experience it was awesome as we sat there and he asked questions and my insides leaped with joy. I could feel my whole being fill with excitement. I felt the room move in ward as if it had closed in on us. He asked "who would you like to play you in a movie?" My heart moved to my throat. "Yes, I do. Kimberly Elise." It felt so good to be able to say her name as I had just saw her in a movie a week ago.

Her performance was dynamic I thought then that she was a great actress she should play me in my movie. I was shocked that I was actually saying her name at the meeting.

I lived my dream of sitting with someone and talking about making the show a movie. I was thrilled. I believe that this is only the beginning its going to move even further. I see myself on television and even in a book. I know this is going to happen. My dream is moving forward

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I will celebrate Mother's day thanking my son, Kirk for allowing me to be his mother. Kirk gave me such a gift when he became a part of my life. He blessed me with the honor of caring for him. He changed my life tremendously. I think back on the years gone by and how he patiently watched me grow. Those years when I was learning how to be a woman and a mother he never turned his back on me. It wasn't easy for him to see me drepressed and often confused about how to support him.

I loved having him in my life. He made me laugh and their were times when I was so frustrated with him. He didn't understand a lot about his life and why was I raising him alone. He was hurt so many times by both his parents. Yet, Kirk never stopped loving me.

Kirk was a very special gift to me. I am so honored that he was my son. I love him so much. When I'm with him I feel like a queen. He gave me dancing lessons one year and I just felt like a real ballerina when he would twirl me around. I was so blessed to have him as my son.

I thank my son for allowing me to share his life with me. I thank him for loving me though all my sadness, insecurities and doubts about myself. I am so grateful that he chose me as his mother.

On this Mother's day when we honor mothers I honor my son.

I love you Kirk. Thanks for being such a lovely son