AARP

I'm 64 and my son is 49 that time of seeing him grow just flew by. I can't believe the conversation we had the other day.  I couldn't imagine that we this day would come. I imagined high school graduation picking out photos to give to people for graduation. I thought about picking a college he would attend but for some odd reason I didn't imagine this day, talking about retiring. 

He's thinking about retiring soon and looking into another job.  I'm thinking about retiring and the next five years and this starts our conversation. In my mind I didn't want to see him retire I wanted to see him working as a police officer for at least 10 more years. I just didn't want to see him as a older man. A full grown man. A man that has watched his own child go off to college and now getting ready to finished her dissertation in Chemistry.  Here we were talking about retiring. I listened to him talk about starting his life over doing something else with his life. This isn't the conservation that I just couldn't imagine being around to hear that conversation. Although, we're only fifteen years ago I saw myself much older than he. The hands of time just keeps on clicking although it may seem slow it really speeds along. 

Before I know it I'll have a great grandchild greeting me.

Oh Them Bones

 

Oh, Them Bones

Being 64, is a pain in my knee. My life has changed so drastically because my knees ache all the time. I really shouldn't be so surprise seeing that arthritis runs deep within my family. I thought I was going to get past it because I've been doing well all this time. It all started about three years ago after I would play tennis my body would feel funny. No pain just not feeling well.  Then a year later my knee would hurt. Now it's hurts all the time. I'm not happy about this at all. I really don't want to look into getting surgery only because I just don't want to be cut on. 

This life change is just what I didn't want to happen to me as I aged. I've been working out more since then. I continue to look at myself looking for more signs of aging. Why am I getting so worked up over this? Aging is going to happen I just have to except this and continue on. Yes, I can do something like workout and probably look into getting the surgery. I believe there is more going on with me when it comes to aging. I'm not ready to really look deep into it. There' so many changes that are really happening that I feel as life is just over coming me. I'll have to take a deep breath, pray and move on. I probably need to get the rubbing cream close by too.

Back to work

I went back to work with a heavy heart knowing that Myron will never cross those doors again. I was strong and didn’t cry although I really wanted to. I remember the lady time I saw him in the house I wanted to ask him something but he was enjoying himself laughing with staff. I thought I’ll ask him when we come back to work. 

I so enjoyed working with him over the years. 

Oh Lord in the Morning

I really like that that’s a verse in the Bible in Psalm 5, I love it. Give ear to my cry oh Lord! I’ve been crying out to the Lord every since this began shouting out to Him. I know it’s a cry of fear. I pray that Lord that You will be with us in this time of fear. God has allowed me to see anew morning and many eyes do not open any more. 

I have to go back to work next week grateful for these days home. Grateful that things got taken care of while I was home. 

The sun is shining today even in the sunshine the darkness rides on. 

The Clouds covering b

The weather has been so dark and dreary which makes being inside so much more harder. The darkness seems to keep me in a little funk which only drags the day. I push through it and tidy up drawers and linen clothes something I’ve never done since I’ve been here. That was a lift. 

Grateful for scrapbooking helps to fuse creativity which I love making cards too. I’m grateful that 

I’m Here

I done know how long it’s been since this all began. The days drag into the next sometimes I’m disappointed when the night falls because I’m going to bed and if God grants me breath I’m back to our world of shut in. I’m doing alright with this situation I don’t mind being in I get a little lonely but I’m doing fine. Having the boys call and reading with me each day they seemed so cooperative and reading better as well. Ms Regina is doing a fabulous joy of organizing a schedule for the boys learning. I know it’s her joy and she has excellent skills and knowledge.  I have to admit grateful I’m not there. I needed a break I hate this situation we’re experiencing in our world just glad to be here and away from all that work entails the interaction with each other. I believe I was drained, overwhelmed and tried. 

This is not what I’ve would have wanted seeing what’s happening in our world the darkness that surrounds us. The sun doesn’t seem like it wants to appear. God has a great plan for the world the cleanses we’re experiencing is just so painful. God asked us to not be fearful to trust in Him believing He knows what’s best for us. This is where my faith has to develop. The Bible says I will keep you in perfect peace if you keep your mind stayed on Me. Keeping my mind on Him trusting that He knows what’s best for me. 

When will This Be Over

A good friend of mine texted me this morning it was literally a few minutes after we had laughed in one text she texted me her good friend had passed away the night before. This madden in an instant it’s over. We’re losing so many people this is just more than anyone have ever imagined. 

Kirk shared with me that the little girl that I’ve been seeing on Facebook that had passed away from complications that stemmed from the virus was a friend of he’s daughter, she was only five the youngest to lose her life from this virus. 

There’s so many stories that people are sharing and crying all over the world. Our Heavenly Father has brought us to our knees. 

Walking around wearing mask and gloves. Every time someone gets close to me I feel myself freezing concerned that they may say thing and the virus will travel to me. A little girl walked passed me she was a distance away actually on the other side of the gate she yells out to me” hi how are today!” I see the joy and excitement and hear it in her voice and the worry ran through my vains. I’ve lost the joy and love for acknowledgment of the other person. This hurt me deep inside that I couldn’t be in that moment and enjoy the love that was given to me from her. 

Shawn called two days ago to say his dear friend Octavia had passed away. She was a very sweet and loving young lady. A gem of a women. An actres, writer, mentor, director and producer she loved every aspect of theater. It was her passion being in the theater it didn’t seem to matter where she just love the arts. She was a very kind person and cheerful. She was always fighting a physical battle but never seemed to lose her zeal for life. I believe that God has her with Him she allowed Him to use her and such a loving way.

A couple weeks ago I watched her whole her first grandchild I was so happy for her knowing what she gave experienced over the years and there she was holding an extension of herself.

Father God I’m screaming out to You! Have mercy on us. My hope is in You, Lord

Our father who art in heaven hallowed it be thine Name, thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give each day our daily bread and forgive us our traspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. For ever and ever, amen