The Year of 59(5)

This is a great big world and I'm here in Detroit. I often get depressed about my life that I'm not doing more with it. My friend showed me a video of her mentor yesterday and my jaws dropped as I watched this woman share her adventures over the years in her life. She got a motor cycle and traveled the country all by herself. That's freaking amazing! Why am I not doing anything with my life?

I don't have a whole lot to say because I'm so angry that I didn't work my life so that I could see the world. My dream is to see Africa and I don't know how I'm going to get the money to go to Ghana. I just want to see the land that my ancestors come from. The book Roots open so many African American realize that we had a land and it wasn't America. I have friends that talk about going to Italy or Greece their roots. The Mother Land people call it. I'm going home!

I would love to travel here in this country as well. There is so much to see here that I haven't seen and I want to see. I've done some traveling over the years but not enough to quiche my thrust for more. As a little girl my parents would take us south to visit their families in Jacksonville, Florida. I just loved that thinking we were pretty special because many of the kids in the neighborhood didn't have that opportunity. Maybe that's what got my travel bug stared.
I've been to so places that I like Washington D.C. Vegas, Chicago, Florida, California, Texas and Ohio. I want to see more I want to see more. This country is filled with beautiful places to see and its time for me to see that. Now I have to come up with a plan to get money in my pocket and go.

The Year of 59 (4)

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I'm all funeral out. Of course I know that it's just life. The older I get the more I have to experience it.  It's one of those things about life that can be hard on a person especially emotionally. The very first funeral I attended it was my aunt, my dad's sister. All I remember really is going to the cemetery. I rode in a car with my younger cousins and I just couldn't understand why they were playing soul music on the way there after we had just left the church. I didn't know then how difficult they can be.
Life is not life without death. We all know this but some how dealing with it is so hard. Knowing that we're all only here on this planet for a short time and not knowing when that time or when someone we care about may leave is hard to think about.

I know the Bible tells us there is a time to live and a time to die. I really do like that scripture in the Bible. Ecclesiastes 3, I love how it's said a season. The seasons comes and goes like life. I love there is a purpose under the sun. We're all here for a purpose. That get thrown around a lot my purpose. I struggled with that actually, 10 years ago. I floated around not knowing what my purpose was. It looked as if everyone else knew their purpose except me. That was my pretentious of the world around people I thought they knew just what they wanted for their life and was working towards that. Girl, I was so wrong. I learned that I was living my purpose all along. Caring for people and loving and respecting others. Being there for those when they needed me. Trying to show love to everyone although I fell in that area (talk about that later) but being a loving sister (they may not agree with that), daughter, mother, friend, and teacher.  I devoted a great deal of my life loving Christ. Again I realize now that I wasn't the best christian on this earth. I didn't share the gospel with others like the Bible ask us to yet I loved The Lord.

I discovered other purpose and realize that I may have another purpose and my life as I continue to live. I thought it was just one thing and that's all I focus on that one thing. I thought it was to be a teacher now I realize that everyone are teachers. We teach in so many ways it just doesn't happen in a school. It happens all the time. So yes that was my purpose to teach and to continue to teach.

Life is complicated and life is fun. I've met so many loving and caring people on this earth I've learn that death come in many forms. I've experienced it so many times when I say good-bye to a very loving friend and we lose contact and lose that connection we had it was a death. A slow and quiet death one that may never be rekindled but stays within me as I wonder how's that person doing and wish we were still good friends. Ever time a friend moves on or I move on I experience that death. It's not just burying a person that you've loved for years it can be that last good-bye and see you later. Then life comes in and before you know you and that person have moved on and formed new friends.

Back to death. The last four years it seems that ever year someone passes away. The tears for me have fallen a lot for those that I love and their season has ended. Each time the memories of our time together flood though me. I laugh and I cry. Sometimes I was happy for that person because they didn't have to suffer any longer. Sometimes I cried like a baby because I wasn't ready for that person to leave this planet earth. I question God but knew there were no need for that because He knows what's best for us all. They've planted and reap what they planted. They've cried and seen wars. They've partied and danced and probably gotten drunk. They've lived their life and I'm sure have done so really good things in this life. God says from dust we've come and from dust we will return.

Season we're all in one for how long no one knows
I'm sure I'll have more to write on this subject.

The Year of 59(3)

I never really liked my body as a young woman. I wanted to be small and thin like several of my friends were over the years. I always seemed so much thinker than they not fat but thick. My thighs were always thick as watermelons. So round and bounces. As I look at them now they seemed to have spread over the years. It doesn't help to have a job where I sit all day and having worked out for months. Somebody (me) needs to join a gym like yesterday. That's a fear of aging is not being able to move around with ease and the only way to ensure that is to workout. I'm going to look into joining somewhere next week. My mom did very well as she got older. She worked in her garden religiously. As she aged she moved fairly well. I loved the little muscle that would stick up on her arms. I don't garden so that means hitting the gym.

My arms are getting thick too and that flabby look where your arms dangle when you lift them up. I gotta get in the gym. There's a older woman weight lifter that's been in social media and she's like a rock or a stone wall I should say. Not I don't want to look like that although she looks fantastic at 81 I just want to feel good and look good. That means hitting that gym and making it work. What I really don't like is dragging my feet. Every once and a while I hear my feet dragging as I walk around the house. This ticks me off as I know that I'm not doing enough to keep my body oil and strong so it's showing and everyday things like walking. It's time for me to take my body back. 

Year of 59(2)

I'm pretty excited about doing a blog on my year of 59. I've often wondered about my mother and sister when they were my age. Neither shared about their change I really didn't noticed their changes into later in life. Mom looked young for a very long time like me I remember people saying that she looked so much younger than her age. I seemed to inherit that too. Rhodia body seemed to change and it was showing the aging process the knuckles on her hand began to swell looking like pecan sitting on them. I noticed there were big knots sitting on her elbow as well. She didn't complain much about it knowing what was going on. We knew that her body would be only get worse as she aged and I couldn't imagine what it would like.

Yesterday, I wanted to let my landlord know about a couple things at the house. She called me and I could not think of what I wanted to tell. I went on the tennis court and there she was and I still couldn't think of what I wanted to tell. After she drove off then I remembered. I was so upset that I couldn't remember. I seemed to forget things now more than I did a year ago. I love the walking out of the room and then going into the room and forgetting what I wanted from that room. I use to hear older people say its the mind that goes first. NO! That can't happen There's too much to remember especially in this generation with passwords for every thing you do on the computer. My son was upset that I didn't remember his phone number. I don't need to know it anymore because it's locked in the phone.

Of course everyone my age is fearful of losing their mind no ones wants to relay on someone for everything they would have to do. One thing that I have a real difficult time remembering is my address now that's not good at all.
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The Year of 59

  The year is quickly moving by it's already the end of the month and spring is in the air. The winter linker for what seemed forever. Although, it was a pleasant winter. I really enjoyed going out on the court in January playing tennis. Unbelievable in January. I enjoyed every minute of the nice weather we had especially after the harsh weather we had two years ago. That 10 and 11 inches of snow was wiping me out. 

  I've decided that I'm going to use this space to write about the ending of my fifties. I'm still in disbelieve that I'll be 60 in January. I wanted to take the time to write about my year of 59 and share what my thoughts and some experiences I will have as I end my fifties and enter into my sixties.  I wish I would have thought of this in January when I turned 59 but I've learned as I've aged that it's never to late do what you want to do. 

The numerology number 60 is a number of family, home, and nurturing.

It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious family relationship.

60 has maternal and paternal instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others, especially those it considers to be family.

The energy represented by the number 60 constructs a concept of how things should be for the welfare of those in its sphere of existence. This influences how 60 nurtures its family and approaches it's responsibilities.

Responsibilities are taken seriously. They include responsibilities 60 takes onto itself as well as those 60 perceives are expected to be assumed by someone at the helm of a family's well-being.

There is an urge for everything to be, or continuously get closer to, the ideal according to the point of view of the number 60.

The numerology number 60 is comfortable interacting with others. In social situations, 60 may put itself forth to guide the agend

The time clock of life is pressing forward. I remember when I was just 20 and thought I had a long time before I would be 60. That time flashed right passed me. I'm going to share my happy days and my not so happy days. I'm going to share the changes that going with me mind, body and soul. I'm going to be present in my last year of 59 and you're going to know all about it.

Hanging with the Divas

Here I am hanging with the women from Reading Divas. These women have been reading and discussing books for over 10 years. I had so much fun with these ladies as we discussed my book. I have to say that it was a joy meeting each of them. They had so many questions for me about the book. They also shared with me how much they enjoyed reading the book. They shared parts of the book that made them cry and parts of the book the made them laugh. It was a wonderful time. Some even shared stories about themselves growing up and some of the issues they had growing up.One woman in the group is working on writting a book as well.

 At the end of the question and answer time they gave me Tulips I loved them I had just seen some and the store and was concerning to buy some. A wonderfu surprise. They gave me a gift that I just wasn't expecting at all. They send a donation to Vista Maria in my honor. I was so thrilled to hear that. I could almost cry. They loved the book so much that they were willingly to help support an agency that continues to help young ladies grow into loving, powerful and caring women. That was just awesome. They also gave me money to help purchase more books to sell. What a wonderful caring and loving women. Thanks ladies for having me come I had a wonderful time.
I should also say that an old friend Paulette Horton approached me earlier this month telling me that a school would like to purchase 500 books. This was so unexpecting and bought me to tears. I thought I was so happy when I sold 60 books I couldn't believe my ears when she said 500. There were some disappointment when they asked if I would be willing to change my cover. This I couldn't agree with because this title and cover came to me from the Holy Spirit and I truly belive that. There is no way I would change that. It also keep me close to Rhodia, my sister because it was her that made the cover. The women in the group even told me that the cover was just perfect and they didn't know anything about the offer. I also gave the book to a young lady and she came to me and told me that the book cover and title was really right on. She told me that its just what life feels like to her that the title really points out just what she feels. It stays the same.

I'm looking forward to selling those 500 books.

smile

Moving forward. The book In Between My Tears is moving forward. I received an email yesterday from a woman that's an volunteer at Vista Maria. I was so happy and surprised by this email I wasn't expecting it and didn't know the woman. She was writing to request the book, In Between My Tears as a possible book for the girls at Vista Maria for the group that have formed with the girls "Vista Maria Reads". I love it! I know while I was there I spent hours reading. The girls would tease me about all ways holding onto a book. It was the words and life experiences that helped me moved forward with my life. I thought if they could do it then I could do it. I can make my life worth living. I was so thrilled when she mentioned in her email that they would like to consider using my book for the girls to read. When she said that that my book was recommend to her as a book that would be of inspiration for the girls. I was so happy I was seeing my dream come true my goal of inspiring young woman maybe coming true. I thought of the day the nurse at work had come to me about a young lady that she had given the book to tell her that she had never read a complete book before but she couldn't put my book down. She said she loved it and had read it over again. I wrote a book that a was the first for someone and she couldn't put it down. All I could think of were the books that I had held onto not able to put it down because it had me gripped I wanted to know what was going to happen next. Hearing the nurse tell me that was music to my ears. Now reading that someone had recommended my book and that she would like to use it at Vista Maria the place that the book is really all about.

This is the dream that I had dreamed for over 30 years. When I left Vista Maria I had dreamed that I would write about that time there. It wasn't easy living there I didn't understand why I was there. I thought I was being punished for just being me, Kim Kelsey. The young ladies that I spent those days, hours, minutes and weeks helped me to be the young woman I thought I could be. They cheered me on, they cried with me, they laughed with me and they encouraged me. I wanted to tell that story. I felt loved for the very first time while I was there and I wanted to share with others that experience. When I walked out that gate and looked back I knew then that I was going to write my book.

It took over forty years to make that dream come true. It took years of writing and throwing it away. Writing and throwing it away until I was told that I could do this that I could make my dream come true. The day Marilyn my writer coach said to me " Kim you are a wonderful writer." When she told me that I was ready to write the book. Those six months working with her was a joy the words came out like a water fountain I could see each experience as if I was there again. I saw the girls that were my family and I wrote it as if we were laughing, talking and sharing our thoughts all over again. I wanted to help someone else that was confused just as I was. I wrote my story to inspire someone else.

Reading those words in that email was like receiving a birthday gift that I always wanted. I'm so looking forward to hearing her thoughts about my book. In Between My Tears is moving forward.